You can’t blame me for not trying. I gave it a shot. I thought that I was ready. Those walls that I built, they just came down and that was when I felt it shouldn’t hurt to try and open up. I let him in, he held my hands, and I even entertained thoughts that maybe he’s really the one that I can be silent with.

Right from the beginning, I told him that it was all good if we couldn’t make this work. After all I’m the cynical bitch when it comes to matters of the heart. But no, he was all ready to say that it felt right with me. That it must mean something.

And then some things are unsaid. I pretend not to have heard and seen the whispers and looks exchanged. His best friend said enjoy it while it lasts. He himself didn’t realised when he said its fucking hard and he is already trying his best.

‘We’ shouldn’t be hard to do.

But he had to start avoiding me, and giving excuses for his cold shoulder. That was when I knew. That I was just a different experience that he was seeking. He had finally came to a realisation. That I was not what he was looking for.. Not what he really wants.

Just wished he could have given it straight up.

Because honestly, him wanting to go back to being with other men is cool.

I should have known better. To just continue being the cynical self that I am.